Sunday, December 19, 2010

Smile. Big.

We went to catch it, but it was too late, the bus was already pulling away. 
Now, late for school, it was a mad rush to get everyone ready and out the door within ummm five minutes. My little man is screaming his head off and "V" just found a way to open her 
bottle and pour it all over my shoes. 

Sadly though, there isn't even time to do that. 

Now back upstairs for like the tenth time this morning.
You would think that my ass would notice, but for some reason the cookies out weigh the work out. 
Change my clothes, get the kids packed, and in the car seats and someone went to the bathroom.
 'God, help me'.

We make it into the car, the radio is blaring and the kids are talking a mile a minute and it sounds like there are 15 kids in the car instead of just three. 
I adjust the rear view mirror and wonder who the tired chick is looking back at me. 
No time to think about it now. 
I throw on some gloss and catch the eye of my oldest waving at my reflection. 
We smile. 

A little moment among the chaos that makes my heart happy.

Fast forward ten minutes later and I have gotten gas for the car, went to the post office, the bank and dropped off two kids at the sitters.
Kinda makes me feel like super woman for a teeny tiny minute.

We arrive finally at the school, and I grab "A''s hand as I scoot her quickly out of the car and into the lobby. The 'hall monitor' signs us in and as Im off to walk her to the classroom, I'm stopped with a,  
'No parents beyond this point". 
'But, but...' 

My daughter looks at me quick and says "Ma, I can handle it". 
I wanted to yell' "but you're only five and I'm almost 35, and I can't even handle it".
Before I could though, it was a quick kiss and an 'I love you' and she was off. 

Sensing my frustration, the monitor takes pity and says I can watch her walk to her class room,
which was at the end of the longest hallway I had ever seen.

I leaned against the cold ceramic tiles and watched my daughters little feet walk her confidently to her class and for the first time in weeks, well months - I was still. I felt my heart slowing, and my body relaxing. 
I heard the sounds of laughter coming from the cafeteria.
Above that I heard little voices singing Jingle Bells.
I got a lump in my throat.
The music was better then anything I had ever heard.

It was not the words so much, or the sound, it was their spirit. 
Their enthusiasm. It was tangible. 
Even though you couldn't see them, you can hear them smiling while singing. 
For the first time this season, I felt Christmas.

No tree, no presents, and no cards sent out - I was feeling as if the Christmas feeling just might not come this year. It had been a hectic year to say the least and truthfully I was sad because I was wishing it away. 
My favorite time of year and I couldn't wait for it to be over!? Ugh.
What happened?
 Life happens. 
Priorities shift and you lose focus of what matters. 

When "A" made it down to the end of the hallway, I prayed that she would turn around and wave goodbye. She didn't.
 She opened the door gingerly and went inside to start her busy day at kindergarten. 
Do priorities shift even for kindergarteners? 
Is there just so much going on that we can't just be still even for a second?

I stood in disbelief  - staring down the empty corridor to the door at the end. 
I failed. 
Failed at not teaching her that the small moments count and if we don't hang on to them for dear life, 
we'll miss them. 
Just as I was about to turn away, I saw the top of her head and just her eyes come back into view
within the small window pane of the big wooden door.
Our eyes met and I didn't need to see her mouth to know that she was smiling at me. 
We were smiling. 

Thanks "A" for reminding me, it's all about the little you!

Just a little somethin', somethin' to spread some holiday cheer...

1 comment:

Nichole said...

WOW, WOW, WOW! You have me in tears. The fact that you stop, amongst everything that you just described, to write, in such detail, and share your life with your readers. Stacey, you are an amazing woman! You stop and smell the roses and teach your children to do the same. Blessed are your children to have you as their mother!!!